Hello. I should be sleeping now. I slept around 330am just now & woke up at 430am. Talked on the phone with ze bestfriend & now i cant continue sleeping. Damn. -_-' Its 528am now for Gods sake, Sofia! Haish. So to kill the time & make sure im sleepy, im here, blogging. :)
Today is the last day of the first month of 2010. Its kind of sad, knowing that its going to be February in less than 24 hours. Not knowing the time, its gonna be the end of 2010 already. Then im gonna be 20 next year. How time flies right? I want to be 18 forever. & when i mean 18, its the time when all the school leavers do is hanging out & finish up parents money. Hahaha. How i miss that time. Well what to do, we cant pause time. & we dont do rewind & fast forward. So what can i do is just, go on with this life.
Hmm. Have you ever felt like, you are already on the top of the world but suddenly you hear yourself screaming for help. & next thing you know, you are already on your way down, with your heart crushed, your eyes, mind & everything blurred? You know, ive been hurt too many times. Too many. Being in 4 different relationships makes me think, am i that bad? Am i that ugly? Dont i deserve to be treated as a woman, lady, girl, or whatever you want to call me? Im trauma, im afraid. I dont want to be fooled anymore. But me being me, i always fall in a guys trap. :) I have to be strong. Thats it. That is it.
I now have my own source of happiness. I have my family ; eventhough my family is not perfect but i have a loving & caring one. I have my 2 bestest girl friends ; who always stay with me eventhough they both are busy with their own life. I have my own best guy friend ; who currently listens to my stupid things everyday, laugh with me. I have my own close friends ; who never fails to make me happy & never want to see me depressed. I thank God for sending them all to be with me, through my nearly 19 years of living. I would never ask for more because i think i have enough already. But one thing makes me afraid is that ; losing all of them at once. I cant bare losing them. Seriously, ill break into pieces. So promise me, you guys will always be my favourite people. :')
I feel like crying now. I know why but i dont think ill write it here. Let it all be kept here, close to my heart. Let me be the only one who knows. Nobody else knows this besides myself. Im not gonna tell anybody about it. Well, the wall has been crushed. Now you know, im not always happy. :) But im gonna cherish this life, im gonna smile widely, im gonna make myself happy. Ill laugh more, ill smile more. That will keep me happy. All the time.
P/S : Please, dont you dare leave me now. Because without you, i know im not gonna survive. Thanks.
PP/S : Im not sleepy anymore. Shit. Whatever, sleep now, Sofia!