Azie said im becoming more like a psychotic girl now. Err. Sorry. Maybe i was being too happy & suddenly im being replaced, just like that. & everything has changed for me. I mean, 360! & just like that, like, POOF, everything seems different already. :/ Thats why, theres a quote, dont be too happy. Its because of this, when something hit you hard, youve expected it & you wont be this down like me. :) Okay, the title of this post is reminiscing old times right? Im gonna post some text messages that ill always remember. By, Alligator. :') & FYI PEOPLE, ITS NOT ALIE. I know some of you misunderstood this Alligator. Its someone else. :)
sofia, wad time r u coming? just now i listen those song that u like, those picture we take together. i miss it so much. pls no changes between us? - 9th March, 9.53am. This was the day that we settled everything. We were in the car for 4 hours, talking & crying. & it was my first time seeing you cried. & the playlist & our pictures together. You still have them? :)
sofia, i sayang awk. tpi i dowan to hurt u. - 8th March, 4.47pm.
sofiaaa. pg tdo now okay? thanks for calling. kte sayang awk!!! me wove youuuu! sorry for making u hurt if i did. let cherish the moment from now. good nite! sleep tyte n sweet dreams. hav a nice rest okay? meet u in the dream. HAHA. - 7th March, 3.00am.
yela i sleep now. i shall see u tomorrow yaww! hik hik. u sleep early nk ***fiaaa! nite nite. sleep tyte n sweet dreams! don miss alligator cause u gonna see him tomorrow. n focus on ur agama k. bye sofia the ***fia the piggy wiggy that belong to alligator? HAHAHA. byeee! - 5th March, 2.07am. The day you had brunch at my house. & you met Wewin. We had Subway for brunch. & i was late to class, i thought ill be having a short test & class but you had to wait for me for 3 hours at Kopitiam. Sorry! :) Remember this day? :')
im sorry for everythin i did. im sorry there is changes between us. im sorry. whatever is it i don hope any changes. kte stil sayang awk! idk jumpe x die sok. tgk ah cmne. i miss you! i miss us n i miss our old time. - 4th March, 2.20am. At this point of time, you were still making me your priority. Now, not anymore.
why? why u x text i? why u da x care i? why u x cm dlu da? why u being so mean to me? why? whyyy? why being so cold blooded? ;-( - 1st March, 10.30pm. I remember, i was smiling & laughing when i received this text. You were too cute to be true. :)
oh ya lupe, tdi sis i thought i drunk to the max. dia tye i, u in love with sofia kn. HAHAHA. Bengong. - 28th February, 2.12am. You needed to hide our relationship from everybody. How close were we. Even from your brother. Your family of course, your friends. & they never knew about us, until now. Haih.
same goes to me. i dont hope to lose u, even i got girls with me. sorry syg. :-D im going to ***** house stay, cause my room full of ppl. - 28th February, 2.01am. See, you said you dont want to lose me, you dont want changes even you got girls with you. :( Now?!
no im not gonna leave u. y u think that way? pls no okay! - 28th February, 1.55am.
okay, i love you lots. thanks for everythin cause u cared bout me. i hope im giving u happiness. hehe. u kul bpe nk tdo? - 28th February, 1.48am. You gave me happiness. But you took it away on the 9th March 2010. I hope ill be able to feel happy again.
hahaha. syg, do u know u really sweet syg? thats make alligator melts. syg, i shall see u tomorrow morning! n syg u know wad? im tired n happy today. we competition pizza, talking bout future house n property! WOW! amazing rite. hehe. sleep tyte bebeh, hav a good rest. well, mister alligator love miss piggy wiggy so much okay. they nvr meant together, but still alligator wont eat piggy away. alligator want to see piggy live happily! byeee. :-D - 27th February, 1.49am. We went to Pavilion, watched movie *The Book Of Eli if im not mistaken, which we ended up not really watching -____-'*, we compete with each other to finish the pizza, we talked about our future house, how is it going to look like, our children, everything. OMG. I miss that moment. :'(
until tah, but not now la. sbb i xnk kn. i just nk with you with you with youuu! :-D eh ape ni, sbb u is girls so jwb je. u wan continue or not? tell me la. faster! hurm, penat sbb giving too much love n ****** to me? ok i diam. HAHA. weyh, sok pg ane? - 26th February, 11.52pm.
ouh, so sorry! ur suggestion is wrong. im happy now, so i wont go for any girls. sbb i happy je dgn my bestf. frens r enough okay! tpi kte pun xtaw nk ckp ape psl tu. mayb u should tell me the answer? sbb u r girls okay. ish. eh, i taw nape u penat today? *kening2* hahaha. a'ah tgh baring da. - 26th February, 11.42pm. I still hope youre not really with that girl. But its too late. :'( You went for girlfriends too early. I still need you 24/7. :'(
kte gado2 pun sbb psl benda ckit je. kjup je pun da ok kn! hurm, yg pntg kn, if kte bestf at least wont leave u. if couple, tgk la example i n ***, u n alie den tawu la. thats sucks okay. agi2 im so close wit u right now. i dowan to lost my happiness. so, u understand me? serious i already miss u! damn! - 26th February, 11.24pm. Dont you dare leave me. I have proof that youve promised. The one that i print screen at FB. Remember? :)
yes serious mode pls! yg pntg kn, u tawu x at least kte bestf x de ah cm gado2, if couple cmne? kne gado2 semua. anti break den x jdi kawan. yes i do love you, but i dowan to spoilt tis thing u understand x? im happy with u. jgn nk tye *** sngt la, serious mode la! ish. i miss you sofia. ok tu ttbe. - 26th February, 11.12pm.
yg pntg tdi ade lagu ape eh? never knew i needed, make me smile, tik tok n watcha say kn? yg pntg i tgh serious la giler. ish. i mean if im couple with u, den im sure will hurt u. but if v r not couple, i scare somedayp i will leave me. tu la pe yg i rse. ish. wad u think? opinion? - 26th February, 11.01pm. Oh, fyi, i copy exactly like what he sent me. :) Sorry, for the typo that he made. Erm. Youve made your decision to not be with me. Dont leave me! EVER! Oh & this moment was one of the best. We were doing our thing, all of our songs were played non stop & there was even fireworks! Hmph. I love you!
sofia, thanks for fetchin me. hope u happy today. the way we racing to finish the pizza? HAHA. sorry to make u cry. yes, i do scare somedays i will leave u, but i don hope n i dowan too! because i know u r not really tough actually. u r easily to break. drive safely okay. im happy the day with u all the time! thanks n sorry again! kte sayang awk sngt! v outside like bestf, inside like couple. weird case gak. i xtaw nk ckp ape. LOL. yg pntg is u happy! - 26th February, 9.46pm. I am not tough. You gave the biggest impact in my life. :'( You were the best thing i never knew i needed!
soft, u know wad? sometimes u may jealous bout wad i did to other girls. im sorry to make u feel that way. but logic think, do i ever leave u? no rite! now all the time is just with you. n yes nowadays v dono y keep quarrel because of small issue, but how ever is it v still can good back. because im too sweet. :-D anyway mister alligator loves miss piggy wiggy so much. sorry for not couple with u, im scared of hurting u n v will not as happy as last time, i dowan to hav any changes between us. i hope u understand that k soft? good night! tomorrow wake up early, at 9plus? sleep tyte yaww! :-D - 26th February, 2.49am. We are no longer ALL THE TIME IS JUST WITH YOU. & we are no longer as happy as last time. & everything has changed. :'(
fia, can u call me? i miss our late night conversation. dont u miss? - 22nd February, 1.27am. OMG I REALLY MISS OUR LATE NIGHT CONVOS. I SWEAR, I MISS THEM SO MUCH.
but i dowan n dont need another new bestf, i just need u n want u! ok i promise wont make u cry k? ur prob is my prob! so u cry i also feel it, sorry! :-| - 17th February, 3.38am. So, did you feel when i cried like babies these past few days? Hmph.
kiranya u over excited la ni? Haha. Of course i wil care bout u, y i must change? My life is perfect n happy when im wit u okay! Tpi betul la i wove you. :) - 16th February, 6.50am. So is your life is still perfect & happy when we are no longer like how we used to be? & you said you will always care about me, but youve changed.
Da la tu, i already tel u everything bout how i feel so cmtu la. Pls, i hope u dpt tdo after tis. jgn excited sngt okay. Hehe. N whatever is it, u not belong to me, if 1day u jumpe 1 nice boy pls go okay. :) tpi make sure is good n wont hurt ur feeling. I stil wil care bout u as much as i can ok ***fia? - 16th February, 6.45am. The day we confessed. & too bad, you are the one who found your girl first.
hahaha. u're the best thing i nvr knew i needed. lol. tgh tipsy, pg mos xnk ah mnum anyk. - 15th February, 3.31am. WE PLANNED ON GOING TO MOS TOGETHER, but too bad the event got cancelled. Haha.
eh dah la tu, jgn syok sngt la. yg pntg thats y i ckp i hurt girl alot, so i just hope i dont hurt u too n hope ley keep my words! yg pntg i x pnah tgk u nangis, tpi i pnah tgk mata u cmne ah after nangis, tu mmg ugly cm babi kot. :-P so jgn nk cry sgt k! dah la tu, move on la! did i cure ur headache? - 8th February, 2.44am. Youve seen me crying. 2 times! :) Congratulations. Hehe.
oh man! i being too sweet to u! nape *** being so sweet rite now to tis sohai? i got no idea okay. i hope i dont hurt u. yg pntg im sorry to make u cried for the 3rd time, i just hope there is no 4th time or other people make u cry. u look ugly when u cry! so pls don cry. :-P x best pun if everyday cmtu. - 8th February, 2.38am. Unfortunately, after this 3rd time, there were moreeeeeeeeeeeeee of me crying over you.
yg pntg im happy with my life now with you. u always b there for me, u cheer me up when im down. we share everythin together n we do things together, mmg happy ah. i just worry somedays those things will happen. i xnk tgk u get hurt, sbb i now how u feel kn. anyway i try not to do that, sbb i mmg x sanggup nk u move on dri i. i mmg da hurt anyk girls, tpi i hope its not to u. i want to make ur 2010year n so on happy giler! n i nk try not to make u tears anymore. so cmtu la i nk ckp. oh man! wad happen to u ***********! ckp benda2 cm ni. ish! gila sbb sok final ke. - 8th February, 2.28am. We dont do things together anymore. Youve found my replacement. Aww :') & you said you want to make my 2010 & so on happy? Its only March 2010 & youve already made me feel like ive lost my happiness. & youve changed me from a hero to zero. So tell me, how can you make my 2010 & so on happy if like this?
u tawu x i stress dgn maths, tpi i tetap sayang u. LOL. do u get it? - 7th February, 3.22pm. This was also a flash message. :D
seriously i sayang you giler2 punye. u pls save tis msg if u syg i.:-D -7th February, 3.04pm. You were at McD & you were studying Maths alone. Your final exam was just around the corner. & this message is a flash message. You thought it cant be saved, but i can save it! & yes, i sayang you.
okay, if that u think, den that u're. :-P fuiyo, we will get married together on 25years old which is 6years from now? HAHA. - 4th February, 11.16pm. Oh yea. We made a deal to get married on 4th February 2016. Remember? Hehe :')
OKAY DO I LOOK LIKE A PSYCHOTIC GIRL? Errrr. Sorry but i just miss this Alligator of mine so much. Its okay. Ive accepted the fact that youre in love with some other girl now. But i cant accept the fact that youre changing! I miss my bestfriend you know. My alligator. My stupid sohai friend. :'( You know what? I never expect to be close to you, i mean, this close. & after being so close with you, i never expect to be in such arguements & fights with you. & i never expect us to be this distance. :'( OH & ILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE VALENTINES DAY MOVIE & TODAY WAS A FAIRYTALE SONG!
Sorry. I promise, this would be the last post of me emo-ing over him. Er! Maybe. Okay, i dont want to promise. But ill try to be happy again. Theres no use of me locking myself up in the room, crying over this matter when in the other end of the world, hes enjoying his life. My friends are expecting me to be the old me. So ill try. I will be one. Ill be the old me. Just bear with me. :)
P/S : Tomorrow ill be in KMB. For Arlina's business fair something. I dont want to put hope to have a good time, but i just want to. Im done with crying & sorts. :)
Myself : With you = redbull, medicine, happiness, laughters, smiles. No you = headaches, sadness, loneliness. So the conclusion is, i do need you, everyday. & for once in my life, i never want to look back because the present is so beautiful with you in it. & im predicting, the future would be awesome too. Of course, with you i...n it, still. :D *pengakuan tidak malu daripada seorang insan bernama Sofia Farhana binti Mohsen*
February 5 at 10:54pm
- Now, i want to go back to the old times. I miss my times with you. :'(
Alligator : I'm glad to know ur January end with smile. I know ur previous month is not that good. How about Febuary, we shall see? :D
February 3 at 6:50pm
- My January & February were the best months in my life. Too bad, you didnt make it to my March.
Myself : You are the reason for everything. Thank you. I cant imagine living life without you, because youve been there for me through my hardest time. & youre here to make me happy. :') Youve promised not to leave me & im holding to that promise eventhough i know, sometimes, promises arent real.
January 26 at 10:48pm
- Yes, promises arent real. Too bad. :(
Myself : "U have value to me! :')" - Youre so sweet. HAHAHA :D Tak move on lagi.
I skipped Islamic Studies class yesterday. *its 4.20am now, so its yesterday lah. :D*I wanted to go but i fell asleep around 1pm. When i woke up, it was already 3.30pm. Haha :D Then i went to fetch Azie at her house for our date to Pyramid. I accompanied her shopping & i got myself one baju from Dorothy Perkins. Hehe. Yes, my theraphy is shopping. Went shopping with Arlina too on Nazrins birthday. Scored few clothes. Weeeeeee! & after went to Pyramid, sent Azie home then i was off to Alexis Ampang to watch Tompi perform. Omg! Hes so amazing okay! He can do voices, different voices. Bass, chipmunk. Yet he still sounds marvellous! I hope he can be my singing teacher. Hehe. Oh well, thanks for a great Friday k, Mom, Nyna & Azie?! I should continue keeping myself busy. Im okay. :) I miss you, btw best friend. Where are you? :'(
I know ive made a promise. Ive handled it fantastically. Ive made myself proud, ive made my bestfriend proud. But truth to be told, who am i trying to fool here? I know i can fool you, my friends. But im sorry i cant lie to myself. & after i tried for so many days not to cry, last night, at last i lost to myself. I cried. Ive missed us so much. Like i said, i only have been close to you for 2, 3 months but i have memories with you more than i have memories with somebody whom ive loved.
I know youre not gonna go anywhere. Its me, myself. Im distancing myself bit by bit from you. Im sorry for doing that. I dont want to. But the feeling of seeing you with somebody else, expressing your love to somebody else after only a month of us pouring love to each other, is hurting me. You dont feel anything because you are the one who has somebody else now, not me. I know i have to understand you. & i do understand you. & i know sooner or later, it will happen somehow. But i just sometimes, i feel like, my happiness, you, has been stolen away. Its too early for me.
Things happened so fast. My heart was broken into pieces in December 09, you came to the rescue, you glued the pieces back & my heart is back to one piece. You made me happy. Then it was your time, you were going through a break down & i was there for you. We became so close since then. We went everywhere, we did everything together. Then my feelings for you grew, i confessed, you too. Then we were having our best of time together. A lot of promises were made. Then too bad, i was feeling a little too insecure. We fought, we argued. Every day. Every night. Then someone came into your life. Then it got you thinking. Then we ended everything. Then now im here, trying to hold on. Trying to be okay with everything.
We did a lot of mistake. But i know everything was beautiful. I thank God i found you. For once in my life, i know someone appreciates me. Someone actually loves to see me smile & laugh. For once in my life, i know i wanted to be yours. Till the end of my life. For once in my life, i know the love of me towards you is sincere. Unfortunately, everything is ending. I mean, our greatest moments. But i promise you, ill always be your best friend. Your ears, your shoulders. Ill be here, forever. For you. Ill try. So bear with me. Im not strong.
Note ; Even my mom realized how weird im acting nowadays. & she even realized how unhappy i am. She even said i didnt go out as frequent as i did before. She even asked about you. I wish for you to leave her, everyday. But its too late. You guys have confessed. You guys have loved each other. Now tell me, how in the world should i trust you? to keep your promises if only after a week, youve become like this with that other person? Im being a little too emotional right? Sorry. But finally, ive said everything. Everybody says to let go & move on. I am letting you go. But moving on, thats not gonna happen. Ill always be right here, waiting for you. Ill always be your piggy wiggy & youll always be my alligator. Now tell me, how could you move on so fast? & tell me, how to let you go? :'(
Things have been tough lately for me. I am not feeling well & i had to go through a major breakdown for few days. I am recovering, good for me. Ive made the decision. Actually, we have. To stick together. No matter what. We promised each other not to change. I know its hard. But ill try. But im happy weve made that decision. At least i know, whatever comes our way, whatever happens to us, we will still have each other. I chose not to understand you, but i know, youre doing this for us. For our best. & thats so thoughful of you. Thats why im making this decision. Not to be away from you. We both can live as best friends before, so why cant we now? :) We have been for each other when both of us face difficulties in life. So why must we end everything? :D I miss being your best friend, be in good terms with you. So im starting it all over again. I dont care what my friends will say. Because i know im doing this for my best. Why should i lose someone who can make me happy, smile & laugh everyday. Right? Thanks for everything. & sorry for everything. Fyi, i never regret knowing you. Went through what weve gone through. Because all those are the sweetest memories. So far. & i hope theres more to come. Okay? & please remember our promise. Our future partners cannot get mad at us because we are close. Its like 2 in 1 package. Buy 1 get 1 free like that. Hahahahha. Okay shut up Sofia. Oh & i am loving it when we are like this. Omg! Im so proud of myself. For being this strong. :D Lets be happy! I love you, bestfriend. :')
P/S : Ill be pretending first. But i know ill be okay. Im getting there. I mean, to the feeling of being okay. Im proud of myself. Arent you? :D :D :D
PP/S : Tak sanggup kehilangan kawan baik. Semua pun mesti macam tu. Ni special case tapi. Awww <3
Unfortunately, the thing im afraid most has happened. I know youll always be here for me, but everything is not the same anymore. I cant hold your hands. I cant hug you. I cant call you sayang. I cant do what ive been doing to you for the past times. Ill miss everything about you. But at least i know youll always be the same. I just hope i could be like that with you for a longer time. :'( Why life must be so complicated? :'(
Youve promised. So stay. Eventhough not as my special one, but please, be my Alligator forever. Because ill always be your fat piggy wiggy. Thanks for everything!
P/S : I think this time im gonna diet for real. Im gonna be 50kg at least, then make everybody regrets losing me. :D What say you? Uuuuweeeeeee!
PP/S : I still need strength. Im not strong. So help me, God!
While im writing/typing this, my heart is hurting. Its like something is pushing it hard. Or maybe something is kinda ... I dont know. It feels like my heart is dropping out from my body. It hurts me. So much. My heart beats faster than usual nowadays. Is it because of .... Choi choi choi. -_-' Oh i actually know why my heart beats faster. Its because of im hurting inside, so much. Its also because of jealousy & afraid of losing. Have you ever felt like what im feeling now? :)
Well. Im writing this to actually express what i feel. I become so very sensitive nowadays you know. Everyday i have to argue/fight with my Alligator. Poor him. Well the reason im super emotional these past few days is because im afraid. Im paranoid. I know ill be losing you one day & that thought of mine is taking over me. Sometimes i just feel like getting myself away from you. But i cant. I couldnt. & i wouldnt. Youve become my source of happiness. Youve become my everything. I know i shouldnt make you my everything. But what to do, it just happened. Theres no chance of turning back because its too late. You know i want you so bad. So bad. & i cant bear seeing you with anybody else. I know thats not good. & im sorry. But you know how i feel right? & at this very second, i could actually cry thinking of you & your new friend. Because i know she may be my stand in. My surrogate. It hurts you know, thinking about how i would love to express my love to you which i know i couldnt. & it hurts me more thinking of you could mingle around whereas me, i just cant. I dont want to. Because im happy with where i am right now, who im with. However, im happy to actually know you. & i never expect to be this close with you. Thanks for everything. Thanks for the love & care. Thanks for the attention. I dont know how could i pay you back, but i know one day, youll find someone who could be your true love. :') & note to you, i never regret.
P/S : I wish im yours. Everyday i wish for that. I love you. End.
Hello. Someone confessed today. That the person has stalked me for quite sometime already. Cool ey? Since September wey. I feel so proud. At least someone is willing to be my biggest stalker. & that someone is the person who i love the most now. :') Okay la, maybe not the most. But i love that person with all my heart. Weeeeee. Terima kasih ya awak? :') I look forward to spend my days with you, i look forward to see you everytime. Jaga saya elok elok ya awak? Kalau awak sakitkan hati saya, ramai boleh cari awak lepas tu pukul awak? Hahaha okay im kidding. :) Im cherishing my moments with you now. & i promise, nothings gonna change. For now, we will be like this. Future? Lets not think about it. Err, maybe im the only one who thinks about it too much? Okay okay shut up! I love you. <3
P/S : Saya gemuk pun dia sayang. Saya macam babi pun dia fall for me also. Saya tak perfect pun dia suka saya. Thanks for everything, awaaaaaaaaak! :')