Monday, March 15, 2010

How? How? :(


 I know ive made a promise. Ive handled it fantastically. Ive made myself proud, ive made my bestfriend proud. But truth to be told, who am i trying to fool here? I know i can fool you, my friends. But im sorry i cant lie to myself. & after i tried for so many days not to cry, last night, at last i lost to myself. I cried. Ive missed us so much. Like i said, i only have been close to you for 2, 3 months but i have memories with you more than i have memories with somebody whom ive loved. 

I know youre not gonna go anywhere. Its me, myself. Im distancing myself bit by bit from you. Im sorry for doing that. I dont want to. But the feeling of seeing you with somebody else, expressing your love to somebody else after only a month of us pouring love to each other, is hurting me. You dont feel anything because you are the one who has somebody else now, not me. I know i have to understand you. & i do understand you. & i know sooner or later, it will happen somehow. But i just sometimes, i feel like, my happiness, you, has been stolen away. Its too early for me. 

Things happened so fast. My heart was broken into pieces in December 09, you came to the rescue, you glued the pieces back & my heart is back to one piece. You made me happy. Then it was your time, you were going through a break down & i was there for you. We became so close since then. We went everywhere, we did everything together. Then my feelings for you grew, i confessed, you too. Then we were having our best of time together. A lot of promises were made. Then too bad, i was feeling a little too insecure. We fought, we argued. Every day. Every night. Then someone came into your life. Then it got you thinking. Then we ended everything. Then now im here, trying to hold on. Trying to be okay with everything. 

We did a lot of mistake. But i know everything was beautiful. I thank God i found you. For once in my life, i know someone appreciates me. Someone actually loves to see me smile & laugh. For once in my life, i know i wanted to be yours. Till the end of my life. For once in my life, i know the love of me towards you is sincere. Unfortunately, everything is ending. I mean, our greatest moments. But i promise you, ill always be your best friend. Your ears, your shoulders. Ill be here, forever. For you. Ill try. So bear with me. Im not strong. 

 Note ; Even my mom realized how weird im acting nowadays. & she even realized how unhappy i am. She even said i didnt go out as frequent as i did before. She even asked about you. I wish for you to leave her, everyday. But its too late. You guys have confessed. You guys have loved each other. Now tell me, how in the world should i trust you? to keep your promises if only after a week, youve become like this with that other person? Im being a little too emotional right? Sorry. But finally, ive said everything. Everybody says to let go & move on. I am letting you go. But moving on, thats not gonna happen. Ill always be right here, waiting for you. Ill always be your piggy wiggy & youll always be my alligator. Now tell me, how could you move on so fast? & tell me, how to let you go? :'(

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