Sunday, November 28, 2010

0216am.

I went for a Mamak session with a group of friends. A friend of mine is kind of in a crisis now. Talked about things, then suddenly he replied my tweet, the one that I asked him to be strong. He asked me, 'Will you be my girlfriend? Pwease?!!!' Guess what? Immediately, my heart seems to be longing for that sentence since February. Yes, Ive been waiting for that very sentence alone, from someone that Ive been waiting for since then. I replied the tweet with 'omg someone is asking me to be his girlfriend! Lolololx!' HAHAHA :) He replied me with 'can u? I really need you right now.' Asked him how badly he needs me, then he replied again with 'need you like no else needs you.' Then we talked, he said, I cant even remember how does it feel when someone said that to me. Then it hit me, its been a while since Mister said those sweet things to me. I remember, seriously, January till February were the only times he said those things. I also cant remember how happy it could make me when someone told me that. You know, the feeling you get when someone asks you to be his? The feeling you get when someone tells you he loves you? The feeling you get when someone tells you he doesnt want to lose you? I miss that feeling. Now, what I get is always mixed feelings. Insecurities. Heartbreaks. I dont know whether Mister still feels the same way like he did then. Fyi, Mister is not my boyfriend. Hes someone that Im in love with. I dont know where I stand in his heart, but in mine, he is like my boyfriend. Hes at par with the boyfriend title. We are kind of like in an open relationship, to him. But to me, Ive given my full commitment to him. The only thing is, I dont acknowledge him as my boyfriend & most of the people dont know about us. I know, it hurts. Because when he leaves, he will leave just like that. But whats cooler is, I love him too much to walk away. He has given me the greatest of all bittersweet memories all my life. He has been my priority. Ive given him all my heart. The only thing I want from him is to be treated equally. I gave him my time, love & heart. But what I get? Nothing. I dont know what else could be done. Maybe he has put a spell on me, maybe just maybe, hes the one. I dont know. What I know, I WANT HIM TO BE MINE. But the reason that we cant be together is because hes afraid of what others may think of him. Yea, I get it. But why bother? Hm. Maybe Im being too emotional because Im at the time of the month. Or maybe Im lack of love. Sigh. I want us to be together. So that, people will know I have you. You have me. You used to say that you dont want anybody else other than me. You know what? That was the best feeling. Now? I dont think Im that important to you anymore. Im nowhere near your heart. How I wish I could turn back time. & erase all those mistakes. Sorry if this entry bothers you. I gotta let everything out somewhere & here is the perfect place for me. Thanks, Blog. Youre always there. I love you. 


P/S : To YOU, I hope I didnt offense you in any ways. I just wanna let things out. I love you. & how beautiful my life would be if I could really call you mine. :')
PP/S : I promise myself, after you, there wont be another guy. At least after I know that guy really can make me the happiest woman alive by calling me his. Without even thinking of what the society may thinks. :)

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